Hipster Kitty Shout Out
[13:57] Creative Specialist: you have a mac, right? [13:59] me: … psh [13:59] me: you think i’m fronting on my hipster ways? [13:59] me: cuz i’m f’real [13:59] me: got my mac [13:59] me: my canon rebel [14:00] me: my dads old records [14:00] me: i paint shit sometimes [14:00] CS: ok ok chill out, camel lights [14:00] me: okay so i’m behind on the american spirits but...
Not Safe For Anytime
[10:57] Creative Specialist: and i do have a disk with a .dmg of cs3 and the serial [10:57] CS: so if you can clear off some space, you could mount it on your man [10:57] CS: er, mac* [10:58] me: god i love it when you talk dirty to me [10:59] CS: ooh girl [10:59] CS: imma pixelate that pussy [11:00] CS: then i’m gonna rasterize it [11:00] CS: give it some blending options [11:00] CS: then...
[15:07] me: WHY WOULD IT AUTO CORRECT TO MANJUICE? [15:07] WD: i dont know but it makes me love autocorrect with all my heart [15:07] me: hahaaaaaaaaa [15:08] me: i’m going to just start inserting graphic things for innocent things - just for you [15:08] WD: like mad libs? [15:08] me: example: i’m going to just start inserting DILDOS things for innocent things - just fuck you [15:08]...
Edited for Content
[11:39] writer: yesterday i had to sign a contract with a lawyer present. [11:39] me: that’s hot [11:39] writer: it was scary [11:40] writer: they said i have to watch myself in public now. [11:40] me: the fuck does that mean? [11:40] writer: i guess i can’t scream “(insert completely offensive racial slur)” in public or do coke in front of people anymore. [11:40]...
The 50s Were a Weird Time
[10:39] me: i don’t know - i kind of passed the buck to (name) to talk directly to(name) b/c - well - i’m a girl and my small mind doesn’t understand this man’s world law [10:46] Web Designer:HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA [10:46] WD: get back into the motherfucking kitchen! [10:47] WD: who taught you to type 160 words per minute? [10:48] me: willikers! the only reason...
[09:19] me: hey - do you do criminal defense? [09:20] Lawyer: no [09:20] Lawyer: what the issue [09:20] me: no issue then
Hello? Is it Monkey Bone You're Looking For?
[15:55] Web Designer: we just created one degree of seperation between brendan fraser and lionel richie [15:56] WD: and i have never been less proud of anything [15:57] me: you spelled “more” wrong
Jumped the Gun
Oragami Maker: ps when you think of a lollercoaster giving you a lolgasm, do you think of the movie “fear” and mark wahlberg fingerbanging reese witherspoon on the rollercoaster?5 minutes ago · Like Me: i just constantly think about that - to break my train of thought, i just start punching my chest and staring at the nearest gentleman over the age of 50… then i dance in my...
Oragami Maker: i really like that you have a belly button ring. lolocaust.14 minutes ago · Like · Me: roflcopter DAWG7 minutes ago · Like Oragami Maker: wanna ride this lollercoaster with me?7 minutes ago · Like · Me : sure do - fastest way to a lolgasm
[13:52] lawyer: so went to “Pastabilities” place ive never tried but its always been there… [13:52] Instructional Designer: okay [13:53] Lawyer: IT. WAS. SO. NOT. GOOD. [13:53] Lawyer: UGGGGH, [13:53] ID: awww [13:53] Lawyer: #wastedcalories [13:53] ID: hate that [13:53] lawyer: HATE IT [13:53] ID: yeah [13:53] lawyer: i mean REALLY not good. [13:53] lawyer: i wanna be like...
I Wanna Be Your Dog
[10:30] me: i want to lick your face [10:31] Instructional Designer: ? [10:31] me: you. [10:31] me: heard. [10:31] ID: Is that out of the ordinary? [10:31] me: me. [10:31] me: match point, ma’am.
[10:22] me: is that a movement of goodwill, ill faith or dumb? [10:23] Instructional Designer: I would consider it a good way to get shot. [10:23] ID: but that’s me
Driving That Point Home
[16:15] writer: devo! [16:15] writer: coming march 25 [16:15] me:cumming march 25 [16:23] me: sorry [16:23] me: that was vulgar [16:23] me: AND I KNOW IT [16:23] writer: nigga you gay [16:24] me: and i believe you have won that argument
And That's The Game
[11:27] me: hey - question [11:27] me: remember when you were dicking around playing guitar and i was just talking out my ass? [11:27] Web Designer: that sounds like every night
Fountain of Oil
[15:01] me: i am woman and i just changed our water cooler by myself [15:01] me: liz lemon + 1 [15:03] Financial Analyst: impressive. most impressive. i won’t even attempt a lone switch out. Not without a whole lotta who gives a shit where this water’s going in my company tenure account [15:04] me: you work in oil and gas - there’s a shit ton of “who gives a shit about...
Love That Chicken from Mordor?
Web Designer: brother, it always will you magnificent beast you will always be precious to me…moreso than this odd ring i have that turns me invisible while simultaneously seeing i gigantic firey eye in a tower Sent at 10:10 AM on Monday Financial Analyst: dude, i think that ring may be fucked up. im going to go research that shit FOR 9 GODDAMN YEARS and then come back just in time to save...
[10:45] me: [10:44] University Instructional Designer: we were born this way [10:45]me: we were born this gay [10:45] me: that took too long to get to [10:49] writer: i’m sure 8th graders went into the lab and had it in an hour
Timing is Everything
[10:44] Creative Specialist: i like abortion jokes, but hate dead baby jokes…. [10:44] Creative Specialist: what’s the matter with me? [10:44] me: if it’s before a heartbeat, most people are cool with it [10:44] me: nothing’s the matter with you
[16:09] me: we should start one of those up again [16:09] me: just for funsies [16:12] Web Designer: HAAAAAA!!!!! for funsies! [16:12] WD: a slave-extraction operation! [16:13] me: who are slaves these days? hipsters? could we extract hipsters? get them all to brooklyn [16:13] me: or des moines, iowa - b/c fuck it [16:13] WD: i showed you what (my friend) said right? [16:14] WD: that i was an...
Relatively One Upped
[15:35] me: scale of 1 to rehab isn’t even going to help - how much drugs do you think of montreal do? [15:35] website designer: hunter s. thompson
[12:55] Website Designer: youre amazing up there actually [12:56] WD: it looks like that’s where you come to life the most [12:56] WD: on stage [12:56] me: you have to say that [12:56] WD: the one place you can totally let loose [12:56] WD: shut the fuck up, no i dont, and i wouldnt if i didnt feel that way [12:56] me: oh yeah (name of WD)… shut me the FUCK up… MMMMMMM [12:57]...
[14:14] me: i’m not above thinking i should DEF be on meds, but i thank god every day that i’m not 46 [14:14] me: hahaaaaa [14:14] lawyer: 21 short years away.. [14:14] lawyer: holy shit, 2 decades. lucky you. [14:15] me: you’ve got 1+ decade [14:15] lawyer: barely. [14:15] me: which is better than 1 [14:15] me: waaaaaaaaaaaa i’m aging like everyone else but have a youthful...
"Don't Sell Out" of Burritos
09:35] me: i’m pretty bummed about it [09:35] me: mainly b/c i loathe the burbs [09:37] Co-Worker: do all the fun ‘burb things! Make a feast from just one item from several chain establishments. Just leave a clean, unopened package of Toilet Paper on someone’s lawn. Write “Don’t Sell Out” on a sign & then put that sign in front of an upscale tacobell!
[16:26] writer: are you loading up my dashboard with all saints and genesis? [16:27] me: WHAT?! [16:27] writer: hahaha [16:27] writer: someone is [16:27] me: no [16:27] me: i’m listening to mumford and sons [16:27] me: and misfits [16:27] me: b/c i’m quirky [16:27] me: that’s why boys like me [16:28] writer: they play that at barcadia [16:28] writer: all the time [16:28]...
[15:21] me: man… fuck work [15:21] me: AMIRITE?! [15:22] Univ. Instructional Designer: hahahaaa all day [15:22] me: can we quit and start our own marketing team? [15:22]me: you be witty and website-y [15:22] ID: of which I add zero value [15:23] me: i’ll come up with some artwork/ photos/ wit [15:23] ID: who wants SCHNACKIES?!???! [15:23] me: see? [15:23] me: you’re perfect at...
[11:19]me: welp, brb - going to get some TACO BELL b/c that’s ALL I CAN GET right now [11:19] Univ Instructional Designer: [11:19] me: - said my colon